Archive for April 2007

Failure

April 30, 2007

After I got off work today, the girls and I went outside to play while the boys napped.  What a great day to be outside.  We played in the sprinkler and the sandbox and then everyone needed a warm bath before soccer practice. 

I wonder how such a wonderful day can end up so horrible.  All the boys woke up from their naps crying.  I changed 3 dirty diapers.  Lucy was trying to entertain them while I fixed something to eat for all the kids…which ended up being a piece of cheese rolled inside bologna.  Lincoln smashed his finger in a cabinet door.  I thought for sure he must have broken it or something because it was so flat.  (A few hours later it seemed ok.)  Jamie walked in the door at a quarter after five to an extremely crabby wife (again) and 5 crabby children.  We load everyone up in the car and have a great 45 minutes at the Y outside.  Then we get home and the chaos starts again.  I stepped on Grace who was on the floor right behind me while I was cooking.  I didn’t see her and really hurt her.  All the boys are hungry but don’t want anything I have to feed them.  They eat a few chunks of bananas.  Vaughn spits out his food and grabs the spoon I’m trying to feed him with and carrots go flying across the room.  Gavin doesn’t want carrots so continues crying.  Lincoln gobbles them up.  After trying several different things I resort to their favorite:  Oatmeal and Applesause.  But by then everyone is so worked up that no one will eat it.  I’m crying.  They’re crying.  Grace is crying because her foot still hurts and she’s hungry but the macaroni and cheese is too hot.  Jamie’s yelling at me because I’m yelling at the kids.  I have never had the kind of breakdown that I had tonight.  I’m sitting and sobbing.  Lucy runs up to comfort me.  I take the girls and head to the store to get snacks for preschool tomorrow.  On the way Lucy says, “I love you Mommy.”  “I love you too Lucy.”  Then she says, “And I know you love me no matter what I do.”  (I guess trying to teach her about unconditional love is sinking in.)  She really wasn’t even doing anything wrong.  We get to Fareway and I start freaking out again.  Lucy doesn’t want to ride in the “car” cart this time.  So she steps all over Grace who is in the car and Grace is screaming and bawling.  Straight to the strawberries, then to the cheese, can’t forget the grape juice or whipped cream.  Then straight out of the store.  Lucy is grabbing pop out of the cooler and pulling on the tabs.  Then Gracie is doing the same thing.  I get to the point where I’m louding scolding my kids in front of everyone because I just want them to obey for 5 minutes.  I cry most of the way home.  I get home to Jamie who giving the boys a bath – individually – so the 2 boys who aren’t being bathed are in high chairs or walkers and screaming.  I again start – or continue – to cry.  It’s just been one of those days where I feel so inadequate as a mother.  How can these children possibly love me or want to be around me.  Oh how I wish I could reel back time and do it all over.  It’s become a regular thing where jamie and I count the minutes until 8 pm when we put the boys to bed.  They are so crabby and so much work all the time anymore.  I love them so much but they exhaust us.  I think a person’s character is really tested under exhaustion…and tonight, amoung many nights, I feel like a failure. 

Thank God for His Grace and a brand new day.

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Lucy’s Quote of the Day

April 30, 2007

Lucy ran out of her room last night with her bible and said, “The bible says that if I see a monster, I should run.”

Lucy Throwing Rocks

April 30, 2007

View this montage created at One True Media
Lucy Throwing Rocks

Snow Angels in the Carpet

April 30, 2007

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Nature Lover

April 30, 2007

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Preschool Program

April 30, 2007

Thursday, April 26th.

I bet the teachers spend hours preparing a 15 minute program.  The kids do such a good job.  One day I imagine that Lucy will participate.  Lucy was so happy to have Mona there to cheer her on. 

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Lucy and Gracie

April 30, 2007

At the park, watching the ducks, geese, and fish.

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